Monday, December 27, 2010

If I had only known... I would have told myself goodbye!

Wow! This is a hard blog post to write. See, here's the deal. I don't like to think that having kids has changed me. This holiday season has thrown the ugly truth in my face time and time again. The Carolanne pre-children no longer exists. I'm really sad to see her go. I wish I had known that she was leaving. I would have had a going away party. Some say that my baby shower was my time to bid farewell, but looking back, I still was clinging to the old me. No! I have to say that starting was when I realized just how much having children has changed me.

Before I had children, some would say, I was a workaholic. Yes! I checked my work e-mail on Christmas. Yes! I was on work e-mail while I was in labor with my daughter. Yes! I made my employees work Christmas Eve (I did let them off at noon). I worked seven-days-a-week. I prided myself on being dependable, hard working and always available.

So.... Here I sit two days past Christmas. My old self is warring against the mom self. I've taken a week off from In that week, I've discovered two sort of competitors that have entered the market place. I can't stand it. I want to do nothing but sit at my computer and gather research. I feel like someone is getting ahead of me. I want to launch a PR blitz, advertising campaign and Web site update NOW! I want to do nothing but talk about how we can gain more market share.

Then, there is my mom side. My daughter wants me to play neighborhood (imagine seven different boxes with doll house furniture lined up to look like a street). My son wants me to push a train around the track for the 8000th time. Then, there is my house that looks like Toys R Us vomited in it. My husband wants me to play PlayStation, go to lunch and watch movies.

I want to split myself in two!

Don't get me wrong. I want to play with my kids and husband. I know that in the not too distant future, my kids would rather shove hot pokers in their eyes then spend time with me. I just am struggling with finding the ability to be present in their lives and my work life. How do full time working stay-at-home moms do it?

I don't have the answer. I'm hoping that through this journey of building into a multimillion dollar business that I'll figure it out. When I do, you, my loyal blog readers, will be the first to know. In the meantime, I'll keep sharing my struggles.


P.S. You can create an account and try for free. See! I can't help myself. The marketer in me just can't take a minute off :-)

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